The Joys of Packing

I still can't shake this mood of doom or get off my backside and be active.  But today I did pack, early for me as I normally do it the night before.  I'm just afraid that after work tomorrow I will feel like just wanting to sit and stare at the computer screen.

 

I have pushed myself and finished correcting the first draft of the next book, that has also been downloaded to my kindle so I can read it on hols and mark any further errors.  At least my bad memory is good for something as I had forgotten the story and the ending, the last few chapters I was on the end of my seat wondering how it was going to come together!

 

Another worry about my memory is my book is advertised for pre-order on Amazon as a paperback, I can't remember doing that, nor can I get into an account to see how I did it or more importantly, who has pre-ordered it.  I am getting a little worried but hubby keeps brushing it off by saying I am over tired.

 

My leg also is getting worse, thinking I have a trapped nerve in there, I daren't let my imagine take hold, just in case.  Although last night I made myself sleep on my back and didn't place a pillow in between my knees.  I got into this habit when I was so thin that my bony knees rested on each other.  At least my bloods came back ok but I am having a few little ripples of pain in the third boob and right back, I have to hope that my short cycle of alimta works for longer than the last time, 4 months stability isn't long enough for any of us.

 

I actually got out with the dogs in the fields yesterday, the sun shone and the breeze was warm, I couldn't believe it, nor could the dogs both stayed by my side the whole time.  I left hubby with his camera and went for a walk in the woods, spying a couple of deer I tried to keep the dogs quiet but Lexi started singing, (yes she sings) and they heard so I watched them spring away in the distance.  It was good though, we were out about 90 minutes and it filled me with a I need sun and today was just a taste. 

 

I hope the weather will be nice when we arrive on Tuesday and no storms at sea, on Friday I caught up with an old friend.  She owns a spa called Broom Mill Spa about 10 minutes away but I haven't made the effort to go for nearly 3 years.  I was greeted like VIP when I arrived, it was great catching up, the children have grown so much I didn't recognise them as they came to give me a hug.  Both daughters are truly beautiful young ladies.  I got my finger nails and toe nails done as well as waxing those eye brows.  We are both to blame for the absence in seeing each other, she has been busy keeping the Spa busy in this economic down turn together with running around after the children etc, although we both keep meaning to get in touch something called life can get in the way.  I have promised once I get back I will at least see her once a month.  Mind saying that I said that to my two best friends, So far this year I can count on one hand the amount of times we have been together.

 

Hubby told me today he has managed to lose half a stone, I have managed to lose a lb, still I have packed a couple of pair of tight summer trousers, you never know I may still lose a few more so I can wear them!  I hope he can carry on losing it would do him the world of good, like me it is all on his belly!  I should have had it written into our marriage vows, and no fat stomachs!

 

One last word, I hope Mavis gets a good result tomorrow, I know she is worried, as we do, we can only hope her stable inactive continues, and if you are receiving results yourselves, I hope you get the same.

Can't decide what to do

Ok we had snow yesterday, quite a heavy down fall, today we had more, but not as much so I took the opportunity and went with hubby and dogs off to the fields.  We just got part way down when the snow and wind picked up but I wasn't going back, oh no I was out for a walk and walk I was having.

 

Bear thought he could knock me over while we were having our photo taken, believe it or not but it was snowing when this was taken but I guess the woods were sheltering us.

 

Since returning we have finished the Sunday Times Crossword, a feat in itself, and now hubby is up the shed making an Owl Box and I just don't know what to do with myself.  I pulled up the video program but I just can't get into doing any editing of our honeymoon, yes still stuck on those tapes, my computer monitor driver keeps crashing while doing it, so I am getting a tad annoyed with it all.

 

Blogger has developed some sort of problem, God knows what and keeps freezing, I think I have either over worked my black box or the whole cyber space thing is having a bad time!

 

The ironing is waiting for me, I have work for work to do which is spread across part of my desk here at home, my book to sort, although waiting for the cover I could be getting the bookmarks for chapters sorted but I just don't understand the directions on publishing it!  I could do a slide show of the photo's I have taken off the video, I could even go and help hubby cut his wood and screw sides together but I'm just not in the mood.

 

I have another guest blogger writing an article for the blog, she is a long term survivor of breast cancer and has a quirky way of writing and of course doing fact finding on staying ahead of cancer.  Although breast isn't anything like ours I hope you find her story interesting.

 

Debbie is still in hospital with her infection, Tess is getting ready to battle with chemo once again, Steve has finished and still on the body is fighting to feel Normal again, Mavis and I are still inactive stable, well I hope we are!  So why am I in this mood, my meds went in on time (sometimes taking them late can affect my mood) maybe my body is calling for one of those days on the sofa, but to be fair every night from 8pm I am usually sat on the sofa watching whatever is on TV.  The nights are quite boring because I seem to finish on the computer then its just sitting, but maybe today I need that, who knows.

I need some stimulation to get me into gear, maybe a new project but one that doesn't have me sat in front of the computer.  I was asked by someone who has read my book when I'm giving her the next one, heavens am I ready to start with the next one?  Actually I have started it but I can't get back into it!  I have set a wager with a fellow blogger that we will write together as we both want to write books - I need to get into gear to keep up my end of the bargain.  I feel that I have so much going on but then not enough, maybe I am bored I don't know!  Ever feel you start things but never finish them?

As for my meso circle, I have to say all is quiet, that means everyone I know is hopefully doing well and staying stable.  I did hear from Bud the other day, Chrissi has had cryoablation on some of her tumours and I believe is starting some form of chemotherapy.  I hope it works for her as the news it returned so soon after surgery was a big shock.  My thoughts, as always, are with anyone who is fighting this terrible cancer.

On another note, I passed my healing assessment, which means I can practise healing in the SNU churches.  I am so pleased because it was a goal that I had set after surgery. 

Well on that note I guess I should close, I hope you did something enjoyable today and something that you really wanted to do.  Me, I can hear that sofa calling my name.

Simple life

I truly live a simple life, the only things I truly plan now are holidays and have even put the boundaries out on those from 6 weeks in advance to 5 months.  I remember last February for some reason I thought Christmas 12 would be my last and as the year progressed I was sure it would be, what with the chemo having a reaction which meant I wasn't allowed any more.  Yet my miracle happened and that first infusion did more damage than those previously endured years earlier.

 

So my simply life is work, dogs, husband and holidays, although I shouldn't class work as simple over the years it has stressed me out.  The houses under development and the changes I made to the internals to make them more attractive to the buyer.  The market crashing and sales standing still, the cold winters I spent up on site.  In fact this is the first winter for a few that I wasn't having to go to site and ensure all was going as I expected.  But I always find projects to do, if not the houses then large changes to our databases that take weeks of planning and writing, I have found I need these things to keep my mind active and away from Mesothelioma.

 

I opened up a program for the housing that I haven't used for several months and I just couldn't remember how to use the thing.  The other day I had to go into the back ground programming of one database but could I for the life of me understand what I had written or indeed how to repair the error message someone was receiving.  So keeping my brain working is good on the one hand but my brain isn't working as well as it did, say even a year ago.

 

I have had a couple of people doing guest articles for me, I have found them interesting how they arrived at working for Websites that are there to help us with this terrible disease.  I have become friends with those who have published and I have at least one more to do.  Nancy is a writer for another website on Mesothelioma, she actually writes the blogs and checks out the latest trial information then turns it into something we can understand.  We were emailing the other day and it struck me how even though she has a 'normal' life, it isn't that much different to mine.  I keep saying the only thing wrong with me is Mesothelioma, (and Bile) but I don't ail with everyday problems most people have.  How often do we catch colds - Stomach bugs etc?  I think our immune system is fighting really well, it keeps us pretty much safe from many of the bugs that float around.

 

I have taken the opportunity of working at home most of this month and quite a lot of last, for the first time in years I am half way through my Audit for year end, I am hoping that we will have good weather this year and I will take more time out of work completely and spend it with hubby and the dogs in the garden or walking some beaches somewhere.  I also must start using my fantastic Nikon D3 camera more and do what I wanted to do, catch wild life at their best or worst as the case may be.

 

I would love to go back on a Safari but I know this would be out of the question, the long haul flight for a starter isn't advisable, but if you ever get the chance to do one, do it.  The best 3 days you will ever have sitting watching all types of animals in their natural habitat.  I guess my camera will just have to snap the dogs in the near future.

 

I am sitting here with the sun shining through the glass and although the morning started with its usual dread I feel uplifted.  The sky is a perfect blue, the birds are chirping away and I have the house to myself, for a while anyway.  I hope the sun finds your bones to wash across and give you a lift.

 

Special thoughts to Debbie and Tess, both of whom are having a rough time at the moment.  Debbie is in hospital with a chest infection, her start date for chemo has been put back and Tess will be commencing hers soon.  I hope the sun helps lift their spirit today too.